Mommy's Little Helper
Reuters and the venerable New York
Times reports:
It's come down to this in the battle to win over beleaguered, stressed-out moms: Rival vintners are fighting over the use of the word "mommy" on their wine labels.
In a lawsuit filed last week in federal court...the California based winery Clos LaChance Wines has asked the court to declare that it's MommyJuice does not violate the trademark of Mommy's Time Out, a wine marketed by a New Jersey distributor.
To win, a brand owner must show that it is likely that a rival's mark will creat confusion in the minds of consumers.
The Label for Mommy's Time Out features a chair turned toward a corner, as in a time-out, with a wine bottle and glass on a table. The MommyJuice shows a woman juggling a computer, kitchenware, a teddy bear and a house.
One on (sic) point the rivals seem to agree: "We all know being a mommy is a difficult job," says Mommy's Time Out on its website. MommyJuice, for its part, argues that "moms everywhere deserve a break" and urges them to "tuck your kids into bed, sit down and have a glass...because you deserve it!"
All of this shit retails for around $7.
Fakes Busted in UK
There has been much made of the ongoing problem with counterfeit wines in the auction market. Bill Koch graced the cover of Wine Spectator magazine last year as a lone crusader out to bring this largely unregulated business to heel with a spate of lawsuits against the various auction houses and the consignors believed to be responsible for bringing some of these dubious bottles to market. Many bad bottles have been discovered, books have been written on the subject, but no one has ever found the smoking gun.
Until now. A UK raid has uncovered fake bottles of Jacob's Creek wine, a popular Australian wine that typically sells for around US$7 a bottle. Seven. Dollars. Okay...what does it cost to manufacture a bottle of cheap wine? You've got to be buying grapes somewhere, you need a wine making facility, a bottling line, warehousing, distribution. It's a whole business mimicking an existing business model.
Happily, the food safety regulator said the wine "is not harmful, but is of very low quality and substandard taste." It's interesting that even for a $7 bottle, you can be substandard--but what if it was the other way around? It's not hard to imagine that the same criminal masterminds that came up with this complex scheme could accidentally do better than the wine they're counterfeiting.
The Best Cellar urges all wine counterfeiters to aim higher.
For the Hobbyist
Sometimes I can't help surf the web, and I'm rarely disappointed by what I find. Here's the Wine Making Superstore, a site with everything you need to start your own home winery, including every manner of chemical and additive you can imagine. Not enough tanins? Add some! Hungarian oak chips (medium toast!) in one pound bags, were $16.95, now only $14.99! I supplied the exclamation points, but they supplied this bit of encouragement:
"With today's advances in Wine Kits and wine making equipment technology you can become a master winemaker in just a few short weeks."
http://www.winemakingsuperstore.com/additives.html
Suckling.com
James Suckling has left the Wine Spectator launched a new website to great fanfare. Along with ex-Hollywood-hyphenate James Orr, he's out globe-trotting and making videos of his travels to wine stores, chateaux, and anywhere that will have him. It is quite terrible to watch.
Particularly cringe-worthy are his segments at top wine retailers, where the store is charged with presenting five wines under $30 that rate 90 points or better in Suckling's estimation. It also mostly shows just how dull watching someone else sniff, swirl and slurp wine is. Maybe if one time he retched and said "this is fucking awful swill you cocksucker!" But alas, no. In the several episodes I've seen, only one wine rated lower than 90, and I think this shows just how little time tasters spend with any given wine before they put a score on it that is then forever etched in stone.
I was especially excited to see what valuable information I'd get, what secret gems he'd discover and reveal to those of us who paid the $14.95 monthly fee. The 2007 Revello Nebbiolo he recommended linked to a Wine-Searcher page. Lucky you, Denmark! You're the only ones who can buy this diamond. If you happen to be on Dronningens Tvaergade in Kobenhavn, ask Soren in the Italiensk vine section, and tell him I sent you!
Enjoy Yourself, It's Later than You Think
Bad news. A friend of ours passed away this weekend. He was a nice guy, well liked, successful, generous, loved wine. We had a mutual friend who "owed" us a dinner at his house. We were looking forward to it in that way that you don't really have a date or a plan, but we all agreed we'd get around to it before too long. Emails were exchanged, messages were left and returned, somebody was supposed to follow up with somebody else when they got back from the trip to wherever they were going.
It's a real shame that it takes a tragedy like this to get you to thinking about how fragile life is and how the simple pleasure of sharing a prized bottle of wine with some friends adds a lot of color to your life. The next time someone tells me, "we should get together soon," I'm going to make sure we do it, soon.
Here's some good advice someone dropped on me a while back: "Life is full of uncertainty...eat dessert first."
Stupid Human Tricks
"Like to drink red wine? Like to look good?" Who doesn't, really? A new website is asking because they've got just the thing to help you achieve both these goals at once.
The reason they ask is that it seems that "every time you have your teeth professionally whitened, they tell you as you're leaving, 'If you drink red wine, use a straw.'" And, incredibly, it seems that until now there wasn't a straw to use specifically for wine. Well, friends, you can rest easy. Wine straws are finally here! Finally! As in man's crowning achievement. As in the thing we've all been waiting for. As in the end of days.
"No more wine-moustaches, no more purple teeth, and your lip gloss stays on your mouth." I hadn't realized what a serious problem this was.
"Voila! The incredibly simple, yet genius way to drink red wine...without all that bothersome bouquet."
Drink Red. Smile White.
No Good Can Come of This
According to the Los Angeles Times: Donald Trump has bought a Virginia vineyard at a foreclosure auction and wants to produce wines.
Media outlets report that representatives for Trump bought the winery and...are in talks with former owners...about running the operation.
Kluge Estate Winery and Vineyards in Charlottesville was put up for sale by a creditor bank. Preliminary estimates indicate the property sold for less than $7.5 million before fees. It was estimated to be worth more than $70 million before the recession.
Trump also successfully bid on the winery's trademarks and labels--thus insuring that ruthless speculators and counterfeiters not infringe on the valuable Kluge name.
Road Trip
James May's Road Trip is a show on BBC America that follows this fellow who must be known to someone, else why would he be on television? In the episode I watched, he went with Oz Clarke to Bordeaux, and to Pichon Lalande where he was given the cook's tour of the Chateau and cave. Mme. Comtesse was showing them around the cellar, all the wonderful bottles from different vintages but May was unimpressed.
S
otto voce: "There is no suggestion whatever that we're going to drink any of it. We're looking at old wine. Looking...look at this old wine."
A few moments later the Comtesse and Clarke try to impress him with a bottle of 1937 that they assure him would sell for $1500.
"Would that be any good?"
"It might be fantastic...you don't know."
"The point is, funnily enough," Clarke offers, "whether this bottle is good or not won't effect its value very much to sell it. People buy the bottle just for the label."
"The idea that you ring up your mates and say, 'Do you want to come around an look at my bottle of old wine,' that's preposterous!"
"...and here's a bottle of Chilean merlot while you look at it."
"If I did that Id' get my face punched."
Birthday Greetings
I got a funny birthday card from fellow oenophile Terry Taketa. It pictures a handsome couple trom the 40s or 50s, sitting across a table from one another. He's in a tuxedo, she's in a pretty blue evening gown. The balloon over his head says:
"Ah, yes. I belive this particular kind of wine is known as the red kind. You can tell by the redness."
Inside it reads:
"Another year older, another year closer to making up crap."
Happy Birthday!
True that.
A million wine critics are out of work...
Every few years there's an attempt to bring wine to television. People think that if there's such an interest in food shows, there should be an audience for a show that celebrates wine. So far, they're all wrong. They all start with a bang and end with a whimper. I think the problem is that wine all looks pretty much the same on TV. It's either red or it's white. All the nuance, the stuff that makes people interested in it in the first place, gets flattened out.
The next show to fail miserably in this futile endeavor is called Vine Talk, premiering this week on PBS with the charming Stanley Tucci serving as host.
The website shows a group of people whose faces you recognize, but whose names you can't quite place laughing it up. (That's John Lithgow, but who's the other guy?) Laughing and laughing. And you will too when chef Daniel Boulud picks the cheapest wine in a blind tasting!
See the hilarious hi-jinks for yourself @ www.vinetalk.com
Boring but Important
From the New York Times. This is some fucked up shit, my fellow Americans. This bill is meant to keep wine prices artificially high for consumers by insuring a distribution system that was set up by criminals at the end of prohibition. If you want to get behind one issue this year, this is it.
OP-ED CONTRIBUTOR
Wholesale Robbery in Liquor Sales
By DAVID WHITE
Published: April 3, 2011
IMAGINE if Texas lawmakers, in a bid to protect mom-and-pop bookstores, barred Amazon.com from shipping into the state. Or if Massachusetts legislators, worried about Boston’s shoe boutiques, prohibited residents from ordering from
Zappos.com.
Such moves would infuriate consumers. They might also breach the Constitution’s commerce clause, which limits states from erecting trade barriers against one another. But wine consumers, producers and retailers face such restrictions daily.
Last month, Representative Jason Chaffetz, Republican of Utah,
introduced a bill in the House that would allow states to cement such protectionist laws. It should appall wine snobs, beer swillers and even teetotalers. In this case, the law would protect not small stores and liquor producers, but
the wholesale liquor lobby.Like virtually all of America’s liquor laws, this proposal traces its origins to the temperance movement. When Prohibition was repealed by the 21st Amendment in 1933, states were given the authority to regulate the “transportation or importation” of “intoxicating liquors” within their borders.
States were allowed to decide whether they wanted to remain dry. As alcohol again started flowing freely, states either assumed control over its sale and distribution, or created a wholesale tier to sit between producers and retailers.
Before Prohibition, many bars were owned by brewers or distillers. Temperance advocates blamed these bars for some of the ills associated with drunkenness, and believed that keeping the producers away from the business of selling directly would help society.
Lawmakers hoped this wholesale tier would weaken producers. And indeed, the wholesaling industry grew quickly, as most alcoholic beverages had to pass through it before ending up at liquor stores, bars and restaurants. It was, essentially, a state-mandated middleman.
A chunk of that cash is funneled to lawmakers. The National Beer Wholesalers Association maintains the nation’s third-largest political action committee, and since 2000, it has donated $15.4 million to candidates for federal office — about $5 million more than the A.F.L.-C.I.O donated in that time.
In the past decade, it spent $5.6 million on lobbying Congress; the Wine and Spirit Wholesalers of America spent $9.3 million.
The expenditures make sense. The wholesaling industry’s survival depends on maintaining today’s highly regulated system. It is
estimated that because of wholesalers, consumers pay 18 percent to 25 percent more at retail than they otherwise would.
And in recent years, the industry’s dominance has been threatened.
Last year, the United States passed France as the world’s largest wine-consuming nation (in bottles, not yet per capita). America’s love affair with wine deepened in the early 1990s, when many people developed a preference for high-end wines and started ordering directly from producers.
Wholesalers didn’t like being cut from these transactions, so they pushed state lawmakers to prohibit “direct shipping.” Many did. By 1999, just 19 states allowed consumers to order wine from out-of-state producers.
But in 2005, the Supreme Court ruled in
Granholm v. Heald that the 21st Amendment “did not give states the authority to pass nonuniform laws in order to discriminate against out-of-state goods.” Thus, lawmakers could prohibit out-of-state wineries from shipping into a state only if they were willing to block their own wineries from shipping out.
Alabama oenophiles can order wine only from an out-of-state producer if they have received written approval from the state’s Beverage Control Board. Wineries can ship into Indiana and Delaware only to consumers who have visited the winery and made a purchase in person.
In 37 states, residents are prohibited from ordering wine from online retailers or auction houses or even joining wine-of-the-month clubs.
The bill under consideration in Congress will make things even worse.
This proposal would allow discrimination against out-of-state producers and retailers if lawmakers can prove that such laws advance “a legitimate local purpose that cannot be adequately served by reasonable nondiscriminatory alternatives.”
That means that if a state’s discriminatory liquor laws produce tax revenues, for instance, they can’t be challenged in court.
But instead of burdening consumers by foisting more restrictions on alcohol sales, lawmakers should free the market and expand consumer choice by scrapping this bill and letting wholesalers know that it won’t be considered again, as the commerce clause reigns supreme.
Nationwide, there are more than 6,000 wineries, and about 7,000 American wine retailers have Web sites. Wine clubs affiliated with newspapers (including this one), gourmet stores and even
rock bands are taking off. Yet most Americans have access to only a small fraction of what’s available.
The wholesaling industry is right to be nervous. After all, consumers have shown that they will order directly from producers and specialty retail shops if given the chance. But that’s no reason to save an antiquated system that gives Americans fewer choices and makes them pay more.