Friday, February 25, 2011
Truth in Advertising....
In today's in-box was an email whose subject header promised: "The finest Cabernet Sauvignon I have ever tasted..."
In advertising parlance, there is something called "pure puffery." Snapple, for example, claims to be "Made from the best stuff on earth." How are you going to argue with that?
And yet, it seems this quote was lifted directly from Robert M. Parker Jr.'s Wine Advocate newsletter.
What I find so galling about this offer is the three little dots. Beware the ellipses. Those three little dots can hide a myriad of sins. In this case the full sentence reads:
"The finest Cabernet Sauvignon I have ever tasted from Far Nient may be the 2007 Estate."
It goes on to offer the tasting notes, that read like every other tasting notes--full of fruity analogies and olfactory sensations and timed finishes--and offers up a so called "sale" price of $99, quite a bit higher than I can buy it for around the corner.
Did I ever tell you about the fish I caught that one time...?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The In-Laws
I work with a guy named Kevin. Kevin is a former sommelier and a certified "wine guy." His wife's mother and step-father were coming to visit over the holidays with another friend of theirs. They are simple Minnesotans with no interest in, knowledge of, or experience with fine wines. The in-laws (and the other guy) weren't just coming to town--they were coming to stay with him and his wife in their one-bedroom apartment. It's big enough for the two of them, but just the thought of this invasion was making him nervous. There was no talking them out of it. Did I mention they were driving? In a pickup truck?
Okay, so the well-meaning Mid-western hicks show up and they're in the apartment waiting for him when he comes home. How are you? Can I get you anything? The mother-in-law says, "Do you have any wine?" Kevin keeps only a modest collection of a few dozen hand-picked, much-better-than-average bottles at home in a wine refrigerator. The question is hanging in the air like a piñata. He can't open one of these bottles for these people...it wouldn't be right. He says, "Yes, I just left it in the car."
And with that he is off, running down stairs three-at-a-time, sprinting to the car, racing out the driveway to the nearby Ralph's supermarket, screeching into a parking spot. He gets to the wine selection and finds some $5.99 swill, Blackstone chardonnay and merlot, the cheapest crap they've got, and races home. His MIL thought it was "lovely," but all Kevin could think about was, "What if somebody saw me in there buying this plonk? What would I say?"
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Joke of the Day
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'.... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back'
